On Adoption

I was adopted in the early 50's, when adoption was closed. Unfortunately there was no record of medical history. Even after I opened the files I was not able to get too much information.

In my 20's I was asked to participate in a forum about the pros and cons of open and closed adoption. I observed, and listened to the couple who adopted children in an open adoption tell how wonderful it was - in front of the birth mother and counselors. When we were outside the room it was a different story.

Adoptive parents feel the only way they can get a child is to agree to an open adoption. They feel the birth parents are there for all the parties and holidays, but they don't have to assume any of the responsibilities. They also said they felt threatened by the presence of the birth mother in the life of their child.

I know they didn't speak for all open adoption parents. I can't speak for all closed adoption parents. I know my adoptive parents were always looking over their shoulders, hoping the birth mother would not come back and take us (my brother and sister were adopted too, from the same birth mother).

In my opinion, as difficult as it is for the birth mother to give up her child, it is best to walk away and let them live a peaceful life with one family, without the confusion. The child should be allowed to know they are adopted, and when they want to know about their birth family have that option - when they are older, and if the birth mother wants to. A lawyer or adoption agency should retain information so it is available, and serve as an intermediary between the two.