Class Reunion

Yesterday I received an invitation to my 40^th class reunion (just to let you know, I was the youngest in the class). What an awakening that was! Time just seems to have flown by. It’s been 40 years since I rubbed elbows with my friends under the “clock” at Central High School. Back then we were wrapped up in dances, weekend slumber parties, driving around the “circle” at Notre Dame, and what college (or job) we were going to after we graduated.

My plan was to attend college, become an English teacher (with a Math minor), get married to an attorney or doctor, and live happily ever after with summer vacations in the tropics and a nice house. Boy how youth has a rose-colored glasses look at the future.

As I was looking at the class list of people they are trying to locate I got flashbacks of the faces of some of them. I remember Margaret, who was a loveable girl but had an annoying habit of clicking her gum when she chewed it. Diane wanted to become a nurse, and I found out last year she actually did. Debbie broke her back tobogganing and wore a body cast the last few months of school, but was always perky and cheerful, even when you could tell she was in pain. It was a mixed group of great people who I counted as friends then, but lost track of when we graduated.

I am sitting here contemplating whether to attend the reunion or not. After all, I did not become that English teacher, did not marry a doctor or attorney, have no retirement fund or insurance, and am still struggling month by month to make the rent.

My husband was a Marine who died in his late 30’s. My kids are great (but not perfect). My job was outsourced to Bangladesh, and I find myself middle-aged, fat, gray and struggling. Is that something I want to take to a party full of people who remember each other as young, spry and looking forward to the future?

I remember how superficial so many people were in high school. How they judged people on looks, income and the kind of car they drove. Funny, in the times when Vietnam was going strong, hippies were proclaiming their independence from “the man,” and The Beatles were traveling Abby Road, high school kids were still acting the same as they do today – as teenagers, sometimes cruel, unfeeling, selfish, but full of so much potential and spirit.

I was lucky, I was one of those kids who got along with everyone - accepted by the jocks and the nerds. So many more were not so lucky. Bullying and class status was still going strong, and that is something that didn’t change when my kids were in high school, and probably won’t when my grandkids get there. It’s a right of passage, although one that can be changed. I never judged people by their bank accounts or their jobs, and looks don’t mean anything to me. I tried to raise my children the same way.

On the other hand, my life may be full of pitfalls and challenges, but I’m still standing. My legs may be crippled with arthritis, but I can still walk (most days). My children are meeting their challenges, stumbling, but getting up and moving on. I still have a roof over my head and food on the table. My children keep in contact with me on a regular basis, and always remember me on Mother’s Day, my birthday and Christmas. I get to spend time with my granddaughter and will soon have a new little boy to add to our family.

I’ve come to the point where I have accepted my graying hair, my increased waistline that dieting will never affect (after all, I had four children and it’s expected), and the fact that I will never win the lottery. I’m going to eat that piece of chocolate and not feel guilty. I’m going to make mistakes, and I understand that too is a part of learning, growing and maturing.

I am proud of the things I have accomplished. I never had a lot of confidence in myself. It took me a long time to realize that I can achieve anything I attempt, although the outcome may not be what I had dreamt. I will sing in my car, and am always able to dance - in my head. I have lost people I love, wept over dogs I have had to put to sleep. I will always irritate my children by them by their siblings’ name, but they know I know who they are. Some things will never change.

I will constantly worry that I was not the best parent, but I did the best I could. I will always want to advise my children on how to raise their own, but will do my best to restrain my criticism.

I have been blessed to know some amazing people, many of whom will never be recognized for the contributions they have made to the betterment of others, get their names in the paper, earn high degrees, or get elected.

So, to rephrase a quote out of a recent email by an unknown author, getting older does not mean being old. “I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I’m still here I will not waste time lamenting about what could have been, or worrying about what will be.” I am not going to care if someone judges me for my looks, age or how much money I have. I am going to live life to the fullest – and I am starting NOW.

Reunion – here I come!

Visit my site, Celebrate Milestones for all your gift, formal wear and party supplies.

Dancing in the Street

I used to irritate everyone with me when I would sing to the music on the radio as I was driving. I love to sing, although don't have much of a voice. It makes me feel happy, and totally brightens my day, at least for the moment.

I haven't had much to sing about lately, and besides - when my companion is in the car with me he listens to things I have no interest in, like PBS. Not that I have anything against PBS, they have good commentary and interesting topics, but it is spooled so if you hear it once you don't have to hear it again in three hours. Long drives are hell, because he will keep that channel on.

I love music. MOST any genre is fine. I love the classics, but not to drive to, more for relaxing. When I'm in the car I want to stay awake - so give me the old 60's and retro music that I can sing to and move around with(it's probably the most exercise I get all day).

I have to tell you, I don't just sing - I SING!!! Loud, and long, and free. It's cathartic. All my troubles seem to fly out the window when I belt out a tune. Who worries about how to pay the rent as they try to recall the words to "Age of Aquarius," or "Hair" ?

I dodn't care how it looks to other people. Actually, when singing in your car, or drumming the steering wheel to the beat of the radio, actually gets the people sitting next to you at a stoplight to grin. You can see they want to do it too.

When the kids were little I would tease them with song. If they said something I would come up with a song to answer them. They got a kick out of it, and I was constantly on my toes to find a song that went along with what they said.

I have always sung to my granddaughter, Sage (who is now 3). She wants me to sing to her before she goes to sleep and has learned a lot of the songs I used to sing to her as a baby. She can belt out a song as well, and always seems to be singing into a microphone (a budding American Idol in 15 years). When I drive her places by ourselves we put HER music in and sing all the way there. We both move to the "Wheels on the Bus" and "Itsy Bitsy Spider." That acorn hasn't fallen far from this tree!

Now that I reflect, I think it's time for a long and solo (or maybe I'll pick up Sage) road trip. I'm in need of a good release. How about you?

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is two weeks away and I look forward to hearing from my children, and there will be the usual Mother's Day cards, flowers and gifts. It is a great time for Mothers to feel the love, but it brings a sadness that I can not do the same for my own mother. She died two years ago, at the ripe old age of 91, and I miss her vitality and spunk. What a great icon she was to the spirit that never dies in us, no matter how old we get. I want so much to emulate her, yet my body is not holding up half as well.

Esther Schmidt was a marvel among women. A tribute to what we can achieve, at any age, if we have the spirit to move forward. Widowed at 54, with three pubescent children who did their best to test her every day, she moved forward with grace and dignity nonetheless, and continued to achieve goals few have ever accomplished.

She took on three adoptive children in her late 30's, who challenged her with unwed pregnancies, marriages that were up and down, selfishness, and oftentimes ungratefulness. Although we all loved her with all our hearts, we each presented her with challenges she took in stride - loving us no matter what.

She elevated herself from a clerk at the local Selective Service office (1960s) to Regional Director of Selective Service in Indiana, until the department's demise. Along the way she helped many young men to stay out of Vietnam with legal deferments, and well as encouraging as many as she could to continue their education, all done from home after hours. I watched her cry as she sent the boys off to the induction center, knowing many of them would never return. It was not an easy time for her, no matter what people thought.

After Selective Service was eliminated, Mom found it hard to find work. She was middle aged and had no formal education past high school. It was harder in the 70's than even now for women to make enough money to support themselves on one income, much less try to take care of a family. She persevered.

When my younger sister graduated from college she took a job in New Mexico. My mother moved to nearby Albuquerque then to live with her sister, who had moved there years earlier due to health problems. Mom resided there until her death.

It was in Albuquerque that Mom came into her own. She had always been a stickler about weight and weight management (something she could not seem to instill in us) and started working out at the local Senior Center. It wasn't long before she was teaching aerobics, and sometimes aquatic swimming. She was the oldest employee of the State of New Mexico, and was teaching aerobics at four Senior Centers in Albuquerque until she was 89 years old!

It was amazing to watch a woman who (to me) only seemed to like Lawrence Welk, make her own music to exercise to. She would play and replay, mix and remix (something I can't even do) COUNTRY music until she could get it right. She formed her low impact exercises according to the music, and learned all she could about what would help seniors and what could hurt them. What an amazing site! She even taught me and my children the "Boot Scooting Boogie" and a couple other line dances. Not too many grandmas were that cool!

She entered and participated in the Senior Olympics, was featured in several national magazines and local newspaper articles, and was a constant amazement to those who met her. When she took a group of seniors to a local high school to demonstrate in front of teenagers their jaws hung open. She was a wonder at any age, and indeed an inspiration.

My own children are grown, and some have children of their own now. They were lucky enough to get to know this amazing lady, and learn from her. I hope that their children can say the same thing about me someday.

About the Author: Toni Lawrence is the owner of Celebrate Milestones and Shadow Wings Consulting. She is a mother, grandmother, entrepreneur, freelance writer, bookkeeper and political activist.