Our Arrogant Nation

I get emails passed along to me daily. Some I pass to others and some I delete. Every once in awhile I get one that makes me so angry I have to sit down and vent.

Now, I get a lot of propaganda emails – from both sides of the fence since I am a registered Republican and have campaigned the last two presidential elections for Democrats. I usually slough all of them off and ignore them, because I am not exactly enamored with either side on the majority of their legislation that ends up riddled with worthless pork and negotiations to the point where there is no substance. I realize that I have to do my own research to get the facts and not listen to people trying to push forward a political agenda.

When Mr. Obama was elected I had high hopes that our nation would finally have the opportunity to come together – as we did during 911. I still have hopes that will happen, but given the way the political world works I don’t see he will be able to do what he ideally wanted to when he was elected. When politicians start looking out for ALL the people, and not just their own little back yards, re-election and their own party, then our nation will finally be what our forefathers had intended.

Although I admire and respect the 95-year old hero who supposedly wrote the email got me up in arms I do not wholly agree with his viewpoint. Often we are blinded by the actual words and do not look at the meaning behind them.

He condemns Mr. Obama for telling the world that the United States is arrogant. This is something I have told people for years! We are an arrogant bunch. We live in the greatest nation in the world and we think all other nations should be in awe of us. We are the top of the mountain, and look down on other nations who do not believe as we do, or have the same customs, as being wrong. Who gave us that right? I don’t recall reading in any “good book” about the United States being the masters of the earth.

We are the envy of other countries, and our citizens, for the most part, are kind people with good values. We are always the first to help out in case of emergencies, and although we don’t believe we ask anything in return perhaps our jumping in immediately and overshadowing the local people’s efforts could be seen by other cultures as taking over. We think our methods and ideals are the right ones, and everyone else is wrong. We, as a whole nation, take for granted the lifestyle we are lucky to become accustomed to, and that others wish they had. In our efforts to show how powerful and mighty we are we often lose sight of the problems that are in our own back yard, or how other perceive us.

Mr. Estes, the veteran in the email, condemns Mr. Obama for telling the world we are no longer a Christian nation. He was not telling them we are not Christians, just that we are no longer JUST a Christian nation. We have embraced people from all walks of life, all countries, and all religions. Although I am a Christian I am not so blind as to believe that other religions don’t have wonderful and kind people who are just as loyal to their beliefs as Christians are. What is un-Christian behavior is the hate and intolerance many so called “Christian” people seem to have for those who do not believe as they do. After all, a Christian is someone who walks in the footsteps of Christ, and he embraced EVERYONE, even those who were non-believers. Think about this: there are so many different divisions in the Christian faith, and so many different styles of worship, that there is no one who can say for absolute certainty theirs is the TRUE Christian faith.

We all pray to the same God, but call him/her by a different name. No real religion professes violence! That is a concept of individuals with an agenda. If all nations follow the teachings of the ten commandments - and they all do in one form or another, then we all are one under God, no matter how we choose to worship. The best way to understand is to learn about each other.

More people have died from wars fought under the banner of "religion" than for any other reason. Greed is the essence of all wars – some one person or nation wanting more than they have. Religion is the excuse. The Crusades are a perfect example of man's inhumanity to man, and even those who professed to being “Christian” were cruel and inhumane. There were no bounds of cruelty spared in the name of "Christianity."

Until we all embrace our differences, and learn to understand that each of us has within us a "soul" that God gave us, we will always be in danger of losing our focus. God gave us freedom of choice, and from history we have learned we have not taken that responsibility seriously. God, being all-knowing, was fully aware what was going to happen before we were all born, and he chose to bring mankind here anyway. He made ALL people, ALL colors, and ALL sexes, and allowed disease and pestilence to inhabit the earth. He saw all life – animal, vegetable or human, as PERFECT in his eyes – yet we think we know better than him!

Mr. Obama has the wisdom to speak the truth, knowing it would bring controversy. American ARE arrogant - which does not make us bad people. We have fought hard, for ourselves and others, to be able to stand up and reach out a hand to help others. We have lost our men and women to war, slavery and persecution in the effort to be able to become one nation, UNDER GOD. By calling us arrogant that does not discount the efforts of our people, but it does say that we have a long way to go to learn tolerance.

In his address to other nations he acknowledged their perception of us – one that has been tarnished greatly in the last decade by the deeds of those who were supposed to represent ALL the people of our country. He wanted other nations to know that we are proud of our country, but we also need to grow and understand that other countries are also proud of theirs. We tend to think of ourselves as "better" and that is not the case. There is NO nation in the world that has not suffered hardships, war, poverty, slavery or grief in an effort to be free and independent people.

My generation, the Baby Boomers, have had it so good - due largely to the sacrifices of the generations that came before us. Our children have had it even better, and it is my hope that their children will also see progress. My husband fought in Vietnam, and I raised my family on military bases for many years. I understand the plight of the military, and I understand the sacrifices of the families who have had to fend for themselves while their loved ones defended our country from evil – but evil is not all the people of one nation or religion, but the greed and power usurped by a small group to promote themselves and their agenda.

Yes, Mr. Estes, we can still love our country and not agree with it’s policies. We can disagree with our public officials, and we can speak out against them. That is what you, and millions of others like you, have fought and died for over the last 300 years.

The best diplomacy is admitting you are not perfect, that you do make mistakes, and that you wish to embrace others and try to work out your difference. What Mr. Obama did was a major step on bringing warring nations to the conference table than anything that has been done in the past 9 years. We can only go forward from here.

Where the Wild Things Are

I took my son's girlfriend's 4-yr. old boy to the movie "Where the Wild Things Are" last Friday. Despite the fact that two tickets, plus one box of popcorn and two small drinks cost $13 (discount rate) at the movies, I was hoping for a delightful afternoon adventure, and was hoping Michael would enjoy it as well (If truth be known, I wanted to see the movie and needed a child to take me!).

I read the Maurice Sendak picture book several years ago, when I was taking a class in Children's Literature as part of the Early Childhood program at the local college. I really enjoyed the book, even though there were only 10 words of text in the entire book, the pictures told the story. Evidently many others thought highly of it as well, since it won the prestigious Caldecott Medal for the best illustration of a book in Children's Literature in 1964. It also won the Boston Globe-Horn Book Award, and was an American Library Association Notable Book.

The wonderful thing about "Where the Wild Things Are" is that it shows children they can use their imagination to explore and create. It also shows that there is nothing wrong with wanting to get away from their normal life for a little while. After all, where would we be if there was no imagination - there would be no books, no movies, no video games, etc.

I was disappointed in the movie. I felt it lost a lot of opportunities to teach children how to deal with being isolated, feeling left out, dealing rationally with anger, and including everyone - no matter how different they looked. It addressed a few of these issues, but not in depth enough to teach anything.

The characters were cute, and parts of the movie was funny, but the bad behavior of the boy was not dealt with. What it did teach was that people sometimes get angry and deal with it in different ways. Also, despite how bad you are you're parents will love you and worry about your safety (at least most parents will).

I would have liked to see the main character - Max, learn something more than the fact that he didn't want to really be anywhere but home, no matter how much fun it was to be away.

If someone has a comment about this, please feel free to respond.

Feed the Birds

I was never much of a bird watcher growing up. Birds then were more of a pest - like pigeons. Then I met David, and he was one of those who participated in the annual bird count, so whenever we went out he would point to a bird and tell me the species, and if it was indigenous to our area.

At first it was a yawn for me, and I was thinking “What a geek,” but soon I started to pay attention, and it wasn’t much later that we started amassing birdfeeders.

I knew that some birds flew south for the winter, but what was more interesting were the ones who stayed, and how they survived in our cold, Michigan winter climate.

I particularly liked to watch the cardinals and the finches. The distinctive bright colored feathers of the males, and the unusual but equally beautiful coloring of the female cardinal, with her brownish red feathers and bright orange beak. If you take a close look, as we have been able to do with them feeding, you can begin to tell them apart.

We have followed one cardinal family through generations in our back yard. The beautiful original pair started to bring their young to our feeders, and soon we lost sight of the older ones as the next generations brought their young. I often wonder whatever happened to the first pair we took to heart.

Yellow finches are the most common here, and I never knew that their feathers got darker as the cold approached, and then came back to the vibrant yellow as warm weather set in.

I wonder if birds discriminate? I have seen different species of bird feed from our feeders, and I have seen seen some become more aggressive with other birds, but I have never seen a red finch feed with a yellow finch. Perhaps it's because we don't have many red finches, but the ones we do have don't associate with the yellow ones - at least not from my observations.

If you really want to enjoy nature, put up a birdfeeder, birdhouse or birdbath outside the window you normally sit at. You will then understand that bird watching is not a “geek” hobby, but actually a study in society of other species. What an education!

On Being a Grandmother

Six weeks ago my baby had her first baby. It was beautiful to watch the birth, and amazing to see this miniature person emerge and tell the world he has arrived. There is nothing more awesome than to witness the miracle of birth.

This is my second grandchild, and I am lucky that both children are healthy and well developed. I watch in amazement as each day they develop more skills, and their physical appearance changes. My oldest daughter has a little girl who is now 4, and she has been a wonder each time we see her.

Unfortunately, my oldest daughter lives with her family in Lansing, which is a 2 1/2 hour trip each way, so I don't get to see my granddaughter as often as I would like. Periodically she will come for an extended stay, and we will get some alone time to have tea parties, plant flowers and go for short outings. Her vocabulary is extraordinary, and because she is an avid observer, has taken on the mannerisms of those around her. I never knew I used the word "actually" as often as I do, until she started correcting people with "Well, actually......." It's amazing to see your reflection in other people.

I love being a grandmother. It doesn't make me feel old, like I thought it would. It makes me feel younger, and more energized. I have an opportunity to help mold another being, but I don't have the pressure of being solely responsible for them. This frees me to enjoy them more, and teach them things I never had time to teach their mothers or aunts and uncles. I can look back and see mistakes I made with my children and pass them along to their parents. I also get a chance to be a person their mothers turn to for guidance. It's amazing how much smarter we get as grandparents than we were as parents (in the eyes of our children).

My grandson and his mother will soon be moving in with me. It is, unfortunately, a necessary move until finances are better for both of us, but I am certain each of us will be working toward independence as soon as possible. Being a grandparent is a wonderful experience, but the biggest pleasure is that you only have the children for short spurts to energize you, and then can send them home so you can regroup.

The problems in our health care

I just viewed an excellent interview from the PBS station’s Moyer Report. This interview with Robert Reich (who, in my opinion, is the best qualified and humane person to ever hold a cabinet position), as well as interviews with people who have been treated unfairly by the insurance companies and a whistleblower who was an executive with a major insurance company. You can view this video at: http://www.pbs.org/moyers/journal/07102009/profile.html.
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The interviews definitely point out the shortcomings of our society when it comes to medical coverage. The corporations are getting rich off the backs of sick people. There is no humanity in a capitalistic society! The thousands of percentage markups on medications by the pharmaceutical companies, higher insurance premiums without payout, etc.... all leads to a medical crisis in our country. We are the ONLY major country that does not provide health care to their citizens.

When my husband died 15 years ago I had the option of keeping his insurance (COBRA is required to offer it after you have lost your job), but the rate went up from $17 a week to $394 a month! With three children under 14, and the loss of a paycheck, I could not handle that kind of increase - so have not had insurance since. Michigan is great in that they offer free medical coverage for children under 19 if your income warrants it - but nothing for adults who make more than minimum wage, but not enough to pay high premiums.

There are millions of people like me, who need medication and can not afford to pay for a doctor visit, much less the medication itself. We only go to a doctor or hospital when there is an emergency, and then the bills are ridiculous. I just received bills from a 4 hour visit to the emergency room (because my doctor over-prescribed high blood pressure medication and I passed out). The bills totaled over $3,000 for them to check my blood, heart, scan my brain and talk to a doctor. Regular and routine preventative medicine would eliminate many hospital visits and surgeries, and if I could afford to go to a doctor regularly could have found out that my blood pressure had gone down and the medication could have been decreased.

Robert Reich is my hero! I always thought he was the smartest member of the Clinton administration. I wish Obama had included him when choosing his cabinet. He has the right attitude, and his concern is for the "average" person and not being a “butt kisser” for the lobbyists and large corporations. Look what corporate American has done to our economy. They don't even have to do a good job and get bailouts, without strings. What a perfect idea this is for them! Meanwhile, the average person struggles to make ends meet and pay the corporations to mismanage.

You are welcome to comment on what you see. It’s always good to have some discourse on topics relevant to most of our population.

Abuse of power

I simply have to make a statement about the abuse of power by some people who are supposed to serve and protect our rights. I am not making a jab at all police officers or lawmakers, but this is aimed at the ones who think their badge or title affords them special privileges.

Recently a friend of mine was retained in the Ingram County (MI) jail for back support (I do not condone this, but it is not relevant to this discussion). While there they placed his cell phone, watch and other items in an envelope - which was given back to him when he left. Missing was the watch! Since the only people who had access to this envelope were police personnel, I am not going out on a limb to say that one of them stole it. The watch was not expensive, it had a couple special features, but nothing to brag about. When he complained they found another watch to give him - a cheap Casio, probably taken from another prisoner.

Fifteen years ago, when my husband was killed in a hunting accident, I went to retrieve him new rifle from the police department - only to find it was missing, along with the new case that was in his car. Both items were in separate places when he was found, yet managed to be missing after the police arrived. When I demanded to speak to someone about the theft I was told an officer had taken it home to clean it up for me, and I could come back in a few days to get it. I did get it, but it was not cleaned up. Suffice it to say that if I had not complained this expensive new rifle would still be at the policeman's home.

These are just two examples of the irony of the situation. Police are there to protect the innocent, jail the thieves and criminals, arrest those who speed or break the law, yet feel they are above all of that.

I once rode with a friend, who was a policeman, and he drove right through stop signs. When I said that I would be ticketed if I do that he said, "It's a perk of the job." He was not in uniform, nor was he in a police car at the time.

Lawmakers are just as guilty of usurping their authority in order to get "perks" or special treatment that is not afforded the rest of us.

I have the utmost respect for those who face danger in their jobs every day. Without their service we would have a chaotic society. What I have a problem with is that these people are supposed to be examples - following the law to show others the right way. Is it no wonder that when youths see this they think they have the right to do the same thing?

Credit Reports

Orwell was right when he said the Big Brother is watching. More and more our lives are structured around the footprints we leave that can be tracked. If you don't believe this is true, just watch some of the television programs that show how our cell phones, credit cards, and GPS on our cars can help to locate us.

Many of us use our ATM cards when shopping instead of carrying cash. We go to the gas station, grocery store, order items online, etc. all with the use of an electronic card. It leaves a track of all our activities. I like to use the ATM card so I can account for how I spend my money. Having cash in my pocket always makes it go faster. It's also convenient, I don't have to go in to the gas station, just swipe my card, pump the gas, and I'm on my way. No fumbling around for change when checking out. You have a record of who you paid when, and if there is any problem you can actually access that information.

Many stores frown on cash, and a card is certainly safer than carrying money.

Many jobs now check your credit - which I think is an invasion of privacy since most jobs don't require you to handle large amounts of money. An employer has no reason to access your credit report, it does not show how well qualified you are for a job. In this economy, many people are struggling to pay bills, and the banks are no help. They will report you if you are a day late (and it comes out on the report as 30 days). One of my credit card companies says I am late if I pay ON THE DAY the payment is due! With the use of money transfers - these payments are recorded immediately and the money is then transferred from one institution to another in a matter of minutes - all electronically.

With identity theft an ever-increasing problem, access to your credit report should be allowed ONLY if the individual wants that person to have access. Right now, every Tom, Dick and Harry can get a credit report on you - without your knowledge, yet you get points deducted if too many people are checking out your report. There is no reasoning to this!

If our lives are to be governed by credit reports, then we should have free access to our own report at all times - and delete or challenge the activity as we want. That is our right!

D-Day Salute

Yesterday was the 65th Anniversary of D-Day. It was the day, as President Obama said, "That changed history forever." It also was a day of more bravery and sacrifice ever seen on the battlefield, before or since.

I was not born when this event took place, and if it weren't for the friendship of one of these exemplenary soldiers I would only know what I read in books and online. The "Greatest Generation" is no misnomer. Those who fought and watched their comrades die on Normandy Beach (and all the other beaches throughout France during WW II) and lived to go on, do not talk about their experience. After 65 years it's still difficult to talk about to those who were not there. The ones decorated don't think of themselves as heros, and if you were not close to them you would never know they even received these awards.

My friend, Glen Edquist, is one of those special people. Now in his 80's, Glen will not tell anyone that he won a bronze star and at least one purple heart. The only reason I know is that I saw them in his basement, as part of a patriotic display of his comrades - taken during the war and after.

I helped Glen, for several years, to update his mailing list and do some small tasks as he and another friend or two put together a reunion - something they have done (with a few exceptions) annually since returning from the war. I watched the mailing list shrink each year, and typed the letter to his friends informing them of the health, or parting, of another member. These men and women think of each other as family, and their feelings for each other are just as strong today as they were 65 years ago.

Glen, like many of his friends, returned to the States after the war and got married, raised families and continued on living normal everyday lives. They suppressed the horrors they had witnessed, and retained a patriotism that few of the younger generations either knew or tried to understand. They contributed to their community, and continued to make huge inroads into the improvement of the quality of life around them.

Glen and his wife, Maxine, are very civic minded. They were deeply involved with the local chapter of Habitat for Humanity (where I met them) and the Democratic Party until a couple years ago, when Maxine was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Glen is her caretaker and constant companion, as they have been for over 60 years. The devotion to each other is evident, and Glen is a compassionate and loving spouse - and it is taking a toll on his health. Being proud and stubborn as he is, he will not accept help (another trait of that generation).

Glen continues to write letters to the editor of local newspapers when he sees something that eats at his "craw." Although some would think Glen to be a "curmudgeon" (a miser or an ill-tempered - and frequently old person, full of stubborn ideas or opinions.) he and Maxine have never turned their backs when they see something or someone in trouble. What some see as harsh, I look beyond that to see one of the kindest men I have ever known.

Glen will never tell anyone, but he and Maxine were there to support me when I decided to start a local newspaper, years ago. They not only verbally supported me, they gave me seed money to get started. When I asked them why, they said they had faith that I could be successful, and wanted to help. Years later, I can never totally repay their money or their confidence - and they will never know how much that support meant to me.

When people ask who their heroes are I don't say some athlete, movie star or politician. I tell them that the biggest heroes I have, outside of my parents - are Glen and Maxine Edquist. Everyday people with larger than life hearts. Who have seen the battlefields, and used that experience to make the world a better place.

I salute Glen, his comrades, and their spouses. They are the American Dream.

On Adoption

I was adopted in the early 50's, when adoption was closed. Unfortunately there was no record of medical history. Even after I opened the files I was not able to get too much information.

In my 20's I was asked to participate in a forum about the pros and cons of open and closed adoption. I observed, and listened to the couple who adopted children in an open adoption tell how wonderful it was - in front of the birth mother and counselors. When we were outside the room it was a different story.

Adoptive parents feel the only way they can get a child is to agree to an open adoption. They feel the birth parents are there for all the parties and holidays, but they don't have to assume any of the responsibilities. They also said they felt threatened by the presence of the birth mother in the life of their child.

I know they didn't speak for all open adoption parents. I can't speak for all closed adoption parents. I know my adoptive parents were always looking over their shoulders, hoping the birth mother would not come back and take us (my brother and sister were adopted too, from the same birth mother).

In my opinion, as difficult as it is for the birth mother to give up her child, it is best to walk away and let them live a peaceful life with one family, without the confusion. The child should be allowed to know they are adopted, and when they want to know about their birth family have that option - when they are older, and if the birth mother wants to. A lawyer or adoption agency should retain information so it is available, and serve as an intermediary between the two.

Comedy

I love comedy, but I am very picky about what I classify as comedy. Much of what is out there I don't consider funny, and a lot it not even worthy of noting as entertainment.

I am not a prude, I was a big fan of George Carlin and Richard Pryor, but I don't see the need for too many foul words to comprise an act. In fact, I believe it lowers the person by using four letter words when there are others that fit there just as easily.

Humor takes on so many forms - the slapstick comedy of Abbott and Costello; the animated cartoons antics of Heckle and Jeckle; and the comedy skit of Johnny Carson. They were clean, but brought more belly laughs than most of what you see on the Comedy Channel today.

I would like to share one example of good, clean comedy - at it's best. Check out these websites:
http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/138148/detail/
http://www.newsday.com/media/flash/2009-04/46217527.swf

Enjoy!

Credit Cards

At various times in my life I have had to resort to using my credit cards in order to survive. It was not a choice I wanted to make, it was out of necessity, and it has gotten me into trouble. They were a lifeline, and not always used for luxuries (although I have been guilty of overspending at Christmas and spoiling my family as well). In the last few years, however, I have been working hard at bringing those balances down because I don't want to be in debt anymore.

That being said, I want to rant about the banks and credit card companies who are taking advantage of people, and this new bill will not do much to make things better (although any attempt to rein in the runaway train is better than none).

When people make their payments on time, and do not abuse their cards, they should not be penalized with increased rates and lower limits. They should be rewarded to keeping the banks in business. Banks should not arbitrarily raise rates because they don't know how to run their business. The object is to advance credit to people who have a proven record of paying it back, and they in turn earn the interest these people pay to stay in business.

Banks have had too much leeway in the last decade. They charge astronomical fees, give less in interest on savings, and gouge those who can not afford it with higher rates, while giving lower rates incentives to those who have money. It has caused a lot of problems for this country - and yet the government bails them out when they get into trouble.

It is true, the collapse of the banking industry would be catastrophic to our economy, but handing them money to regroup without adding major strings was a big mistake. Some took advantage of it by buying even more banks who were financially in trouble. That does not sound like fiscal responsibility to me. They don't have to fund major sports arenas (let the owners do that), or offer bonuses to the same people who got them in trouble in the first place.

By withholding credit from businesses and people in need, who have shown the responsibility to pay back the loans, has done more damage to our economy than their poor judgement in the mortgage market. By making up those losses on the backs of the credit card holders is just another irresponsible act from people who don't really understand basic economics.

I have a few examples of stupid policies that hurt the consumer and make the banks fatter:

Example 1: When your due date is - say June 1, and you make your payment on June 1, or even May 31, you are NOT late! Computers have the capacity to process the payment on the same day it is paid online, and there does not have to be a 2-business day processing time.

Example 2: Making a payment online should NOT cost you $7 more than if you send it through the mail! A payment online does not require a PERSON to open the mail, locate the account, and enter the information. Online the money is wired from one bank to another.

Example 3: If you are one day late on your account you are showing in the credit reporting agencies as being late - up to 30 days! This brings down your credit score and allows the bank to notify other banks so they can raise your rates. Banks should not be able to access your credit report unless you are over 60 days late, unless you have given them written permission to do so. Too many people have access to your reports as it is, without your permission - and then they wonder how the identity theft crisis is rising. Prospective employers, current employers, banks, lending institutions and Joe the Plumber, all can access your credit report - and much easier than you can. (Try to get an error taken off your own report - it's like fighting the Hydra, you cut one head off but you still have eight more to fight!)

Before the government passes a new bill on credit cards, they need to confront a few more issues. This is too lightweight. Granted - the lobby for the banks and credit card companies is HUGE, and we are lucky to get any kind of reform. The problem with these bills is that politicians are trying to play both sides of the fences - getting re-elected and not making enemies (or losing campaign money) from the industry. I haven't come up with a workable way to get the best bill for the people passed without going through the bureacracy yet, but why waste our money on bills with no teeth? The best time to get the reforms done, without all the red tape and bull, was when we gave them the bailout money to start with!

Well, that is my rant for the day. Don't stop me now!

Whatever happened to cartoons?

On a recent visit by my 3-year-old granddaughter I turned the television on Saturday morning to find a cartoon show we could laugh at together. I didn't find one I thought was worth wasting time on. Whatever happened to Mighty Mouse, The Get-Along-Gang, or even the Loony Toon Babies?

I realize that, over the years, shows like Heckle & Jeckle and Tazmanian Devil have given way to new cartoons, but the ones out now are of war, fighting, and with avatars that would make Barbie blush. These are not shows for children, and the language is certainly not what I think a child of any age should be surrounded with. Cartoons seem to be geared more for adults than children, yet many people allow their children to watch them. Simply because they are animated does not make them for children.

Disney Studios and Pixar have always put out animated stories that are for family entertainment. I hope they continue to produce quality shows that give children a moral. We can do more with this type of entertainment then what is put on the television in the form of children's entertainment.

Happily my granddaughter enjoys Caiou and Dora the Explorer, which are wonderful animations, but that type of scheduling is rare compared to the action drama cartoons that are being produced.

Maybe it's time to take the old cartoons out of mothballs. After all, they helped in the development of the "boomer" generation - and we turned out pretty well.

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Garage Sales

Springtime in Michigan is so beautiful. The apple blossoms, forsythia, and redbud trees make the landscape colorful and the budding of the trees announce the promise of warmer weather.

Spring is my favorite season, partially because by the beginning of December I am already tired of snow, ice and cold, but also because there is new life in all the kingdoms. The deer are fawning, new baby squirrels are digging into the bird feeders, and flowers are starting to push through the surface of the ground like they are stretching after a long nap.

It also means the beginning of parades, cookouts and yard sales!

For any of you who are not a fan of yard sales or bargain hunters, you will shake your heads and stop reading. That's ok. Those of us who know the excitement of finding a "real" treasure will understand. Yard sales hold the possibility of getting a real deal on something you have been wanting, or needing, and can't afford.

You may find a piece of furniture you have seen in a catalog and can't afford at a new price, but with a little elbow grease and paint can restore to its original luster.

If you ever watched the television shows "Cash in the Attic" or "Antique Road Show" you can't help but be amazed at some of the things that end up worth thousands that were purchased at a yard sale for a quarter.

I totally clothed my girls (the boys refused to wear yard sale clothes) through elementary school with yard sale clothes. Living on a military salary is never easy, but my girls always looked
as if they had brand new clothes all the time because I could find a dress or complete outfit for $1. I actually come to realize just how addicted I was to buying them clothes and toys when my (then) 5-yr-old daughter, Ashley, was getting ready for school in mid-October and started to cry. When I asked her why she was crying she said she couldn't wear what I had put out for her. When I questioned her further she said, "Because I've already worn it once!"

Yard sales can be an addiction! There was a time when I couldn't pass one up. I had to stop to see what they had I could not live without. My car automatically slowed down when it approached a sign with balloons (and I always get aggrevated when the signs are up but the lettering is too small to see while driving by).

After the kids had grown I didn't stop every time I saw children's toys in the driveway or a sign with balloons. I do sometimes look in the paper to see if anyone is advertising something interesting, like a piece of furniture or yard tool. I lost my need to buy off my children with new trinkets, so my desire to brake at every sale had dwindled. It seems my children were the models to show off my frugal side, and my ability to compete with people who had money. Once they were grown I didn't have the need to show off my exemplary skills at bargain hunting.

It is, however, spring. And, things that have appeared to have died are now springing back to life. Who knows what old desires may rejuvinate. After all, I now have grandchildren!

Class Reunion

Yesterday I received an invitation to my 40^th class reunion (just to let you know, I was the youngest in the class). What an awakening that was! Time just seems to have flown by. It’s been 40 years since I rubbed elbows with my friends under the “clock” at Central High School. Back then we were wrapped up in dances, weekend slumber parties, driving around the “circle” at Notre Dame, and what college (or job) we were going to after we graduated.

My plan was to attend college, become an English teacher (with a Math minor), get married to an attorney or doctor, and live happily ever after with summer vacations in the tropics and a nice house. Boy how youth has a rose-colored glasses look at the future.

As I was looking at the class list of people they are trying to locate I got flashbacks of the faces of some of them. I remember Margaret, who was a loveable girl but had an annoying habit of clicking her gum when she chewed it. Diane wanted to become a nurse, and I found out last year she actually did. Debbie broke her back tobogganing and wore a body cast the last few months of school, but was always perky and cheerful, even when you could tell she was in pain. It was a mixed group of great people who I counted as friends then, but lost track of when we graduated.

I am sitting here contemplating whether to attend the reunion or not. After all, I did not become that English teacher, did not marry a doctor or attorney, have no retirement fund or insurance, and am still struggling month by month to make the rent.

My husband was a Marine who died in his late 30’s. My kids are great (but not perfect). My job was outsourced to Bangladesh, and I find myself middle-aged, fat, gray and struggling. Is that something I want to take to a party full of people who remember each other as young, spry and looking forward to the future?

I remember how superficial so many people were in high school. How they judged people on looks, income and the kind of car they drove. Funny, in the times when Vietnam was going strong, hippies were proclaiming their independence from “the man,” and The Beatles were traveling Abby Road, high school kids were still acting the same as they do today – as teenagers, sometimes cruel, unfeeling, selfish, but full of so much potential and spirit.

I was lucky, I was one of those kids who got along with everyone - accepted by the jocks and the nerds. So many more were not so lucky. Bullying and class status was still going strong, and that is something that didn’t change when my kids were in high school, and probably won’t when my grandkids get there. It’s a right of passage, although one that can be changed. I never judged people by their bank accounts or their jobs, and looks don’t mean anything to me. I tried to raise my children the same way.

On the other hand, my life may be full of pitfalls and challenges, but I’m still standing. My legs may be crippled with arthritis, but I can still walk (most days). My children are meeting their challenges, stumbling, but getting up and moving on. I still have a roof over my head and food on the table. My children keep in contact with me on a regular basis, and always remember me on Mother’s Day, my birthday and Christmas. I get to spend time with my granddaughter and will soon have a new little boy to add to our family.

I’ve come to the point where I have accepted my graying hair, my increased waistline that dieting will never affect (after all, I had four children and it’s expected), and the fact that I will never win the lottery. I’m going to eat that piece of chocolate and not feel guilty. I’m going to make mistakes, and I understand that too is a part of learning, growing and maturing.

I am proud of the things I have accomplished. I never had a lot of confidence in myself. It took me a long time to realize that I can achieve anything I attempt, although the outcome may not be what I had dreamt. I will sing in my car, and am always able to dance - in my head. I have lost people I love, wept over dogs I have had to put to sleep. I will always irritate my children by them by their siblings’ name, but they know I know who they are. Some things will never change.

I will constantly worry that I was not the best parent, but I did the best I could. I will always want to advise my children on how to raise their own, but will do my best to restrain my criticism.

I have been blessed to know some amazing people, many of whom will never be recognized for the contributions they have made to the betterment of others, get their names in the paper, earn high degrees, or get elected.

So, to rephrase a quote out of a recent email by an unknown author, getting older does not mean being old. “I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I’m still here I will not waste time lamenting about what could have been, or worrying about what will be.” I am not going to care if someone judges me for my looks, age or how much money I have. I am going to live life to the fullest – and I am starting NOW.

Reunion – here I come!

Visit my site, Celebrate Milestones for all your gift, formal wear and party supplies.

Dancing in the Street

I used to irritate everyone with me when I would sing to the music on the radio as I was driving. I love to sing, although don't have much of a voice. It makes me feel happy, and totally brightens my day, at least for the moment.

I haven't had much to sing about lately, and besides - when my companion is in the car with me he listens to things I have no interest in, like PBS. Not that I have anything against PBS, they have good commentary and interesting topics, but it is spooled so if you hear it once you don't have to hear it again in three hours. Long drives are hell, because he will keep that channel on.

I love music. MOST any genre is fine. I love the classics, but not to drive to, more for relaxing. When I'm in the car I want to stay awake - so give me the old 60's and retro music that I can sing to and move around with(it's probably the most exercise I get all day).

I have to tell you, I don't just sing - I SING!!! Loud, and long, and free. It's cathartic. All my troubles seem to fly out the window when I belt out a tune. Who worries about how to pay the rent as they try to recall the words to "Age of Aquarius," or "Hair" ?

I dodn't care how it looks to other people. Actually, when singing in your car, or drumming the steering wheel to the beat of the radio, actually gets the people sitting next to you at a stoplight to grin. You can see they want to do it too.

When the kids were little I would tease them with song. If they said something I would come up with a song to answer them. They got a kick out of it, and I was constantly on my toes to find a song that went along with what they said.

I have always sung to my granddaughter, Sage (who is now 3). She wants me to sing to her before she goes to sleep and has learned a lot of the songs I used to sing to her as a baby. She can belt out a song as well, and always seems to be singing into a microphone (a budding American Idol in 15 years). When I drive her places by ourselves we put HER music in and sing all the way there. We both move to the "Wheels on the Bus" and "Itsy Bitsy Spider." That acorn hasn't fallen far from this tree!

Now that I reflect, I think it's time for a long and solo (or maybe I'll pick up Sage) road trip. I'm in need of a good release. How about you?

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is two weeks away and I look forward to hearing from my children, and there will be the usual Mother's Day cards, flowers and gifts. It is a great time for Mothers to feel the love, but it brings a sadness that I can not do the same for my own mother. She died two years ago, at the ripe old age of 91, and I miss her vitality and spunk. What a great icon she was to the spirit that never dies in us, no matter how old we get. I want so much to emulate her, yet my body is not holding up half as well.

Esther Schmidt was a marvel among women. A tribute to what we can achieve, at any age, if we have the spirit to move forward. Widowed at 54, with three pubescent children who did their best to test her every day, she moved forward with grace and dignity nonetheless, and continued to achieve goals few have ever accomplished.

She took on three adoptive children in her late 30's, who challenged her with unwed pregnancies, marriages that were up and down, selfishness, and oftentimes ungratefulness. Although we all loved her with all our hearts, we each presented her with challenges she took in stride - loving us no matter what.

She elevated herself from a clerk at the local Selective Service office (1960s) to Regional Director of Selective Service in Indiana, until the department's demise. Along the way she helped many young men to stay out of Vietnam with legal deferments, and well as encouraging as many as she could to continue their education, all done from home after hours. I watched her cry as she sent the boys off to the induction center, knowing many of them would never return. It was not an easy time for her, no matter what people thought.

After Selective Service was eliminated, Mom found it hard to find work. She was middle aged and had no formal education past high school. It was harder in the 70's than even now for women to make enough money to support themselves on one income, much less try to take care of a family. She persevered.

When my younger sister graduated from college she took a job in New Mexico. My mother moved to nearby Albuquerque then to live with her sister, who had moved there years earlier due to health problems. Mom resided there until her death.

It was in Albuquerque that Mom came into her own. She had always been a stickler about weight and weight management (something she could not seem to instill in us) and started working out at the local Senior Center. It wasn't long before she was teaching aerobics, and sometimes aquatic swimming. She was the oldest employee of the State of New Mexico, and was teaching aerobics at four Senior Centers in Albuquerque until she was 89 years old!

It was amazing to watch a woman who (to me) only seemed to like Lawrence Welk, make her own music to exercise to. She would play and replay, mix and remix (something I can't even do) COUNTRY music until she could get it right. She formed her low impact exercises according to the music, and learned all she could about what would help seniors and what could hurt them. What an amazing site! She even taught me and my children the "Boot Scooting Boogie" and a couple other line dances. Not too many grandmas were that cool!

She entered and participated in the Senior Olympics, was featured in several national magazines and local newspaper articles, and was a constant amazement to those who met her. When she took a group of seniors to a local high school to demonstrate in front of teenagers their jaws hung open. She was a wonder at any age, and indeed an inspiration.

My own children are grown, and some have children of their own now. They were lucky enough to get to know this amazing lady, and learn from her. I hope that their children can say the same thing about me someday.

About the Author: Toni Lawrence is the owner of Celebrate Milestones and Shadow Wings Consulting. She is a mother, grandmother, entrepreneur, freelance writer, bookkeeper and political activist.